Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Call Me Crazy!

originally posted on Feb 4, 2009.
And yes, I still do feel this way, even living in an RV. So I guess I'm even crazier than I was last year:)

I've gone back and forth on posting this in fear of what you all will think. I know most of you already know I'm crazy, but this will for sure put me at the top of the crazy list!
I was first introduced to the quiverful movement 3 1/2 years ago. Never thought too much of it. I had 3 kids and knew we maybe wanted more. Now that I have 5 my thoughts have changed. My husband recently had a vasectomy appointment. Actually two but we missed both. On purpose. We just both didn't feel at peace with the decision to follow through with it. (I know most of you are like OH MY GOSH, she is crazy)
After Farrah#4 was born I prayed that God would take away my desire to want more children away. Deep inside I knew I wanted more children. I was just too embarrassed to admit to it. Everyone would make comments about the size of our family etc. I always felt like someone was missing. I mean at some point I have to feel complete right? There has to be a last baby sometime. (I know, I know) My husband and I prayed about what to do and soon became pregnant with #5 when Farrah was just 5 months old. We were so excited! Everyone thought for sure it wasn't planned but she was:) See, I told you I'm(were) crazy! Everyone would ask, "Are you guys done?" or just assume we were. I mean 5 kids in today's world is just plain crazzzy. I soon learned that not everyone approved of our family size. In fact my most critical comments came from my Christian friends and family. Because of these comments It caused me to think that there was something wrong with me. Why do I want so many kids? Have I really lost my mind? Am I having too many? "The world says children are a burden." God says, "Children are the greatest blessing he can give a couple." Yet, we look up and pray for no more blessings? I again prayed God would take away any desires to want more children. When Finley was born on the operating table the doctor told me it would be too dangerous for me to have more children. Was this God telling me I'm done?
All through my pregnancy my doctor would make rude comments to me about having 5 children and how that is just too many etc. etc. Her exact words to me after sewing my c-section up were: 5's the lucky number your final score put it on your car. I don't care what you do cause that's all your having. Your baby making days are over and then walked out... I just started crying. She said it in such a mean nonchalant way. She looked at me like you have 5 kids already lady why are you crying. I asked her the next day why it was too dangerous for me to have any more. She said I had too much scar tissue from having back to back c-sections. Then looked at my husband and said, "If you want to raise 6 kids alone go ahead and try again." I never did go back for my 6 week check up! I have 2 appointments with other (nice) doctors just to talk with and get second and third opinions before doing anything final.
I still long for more children but am afraid to admit it. (Oh, no did I just say that?) Call me crazy but I believe my desire comes from God. Why else would I be so crazy???
God is to be in control of EVERY area of our lives. Yet it seems when you talk to Christians, it's every area but fertility. For that, we are suppose to use our heads, be responsible, yaddy yah. Yet in everything else, we are to give over to the Lord. Why you suppose that is? I'm sorry but I struggle with this. (AM I ALONE) In my opinion I just don't think it's up to us to determine the size of our family.
I know God calls us to be stewards of our lives. There are good reasons to limit the amount of money, ministries, and even children we have. Every couple must work with God on the answers to these questions within their own family. The problem comes in when we decide, selfishly to limit the number of children we have based on our worldly desires and fail to allow God into the conversation.
"Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man;so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." Psalms 127:3-5

I guess I take these scriptures literally.

Gen. 1:28 I have found so many scriptures that speak about children. I just think Christianity is being way watered down. Generations are being more tolerant and becoming more accepting of the ways of the world.

God is the creator, the one who writes my days, and the giver of life. Satan hates life. Satan is the thief Jesus spoke of, "Who comes only to steal and destroy." His intent is the total opposite of Gods plan. Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life, and have it to the full." As a destroyer of life I think Satan is definitely not into encouraging childbearing. I believe anything that would discourage a women from fulfilling her God given calling furthers Satan's plan.

So what is behind this movement? It can't be Satan. Why on earth would Satan be trying to populate the world with more Christians? So is it God? It would make sense that God is calling people to surrender their whole lives to Him. Is it a calling? Turning our hearts back to what He calls a blessing? I've heard people speculate on what would happen if more Christian families became QF. Just imagine how fast Christianity would be the dominate religion if every Christian family was QF and all their children were QF for generations on while the rest of the world continues to decline in fertility having just 1.4 children per couple. Wouldn't take that many generations eh?

I know this is foolishness for some. Some would say it's also foolish to abstain from premarital sex. We think scripture teaches different. I am learning to not be ashamed to appear foolish in the eyes of the world. I'm crazy!!! But as a good friend of mine told me once that's ok Bridget your crazy for Jesus. LOL
~For wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.

IDK...sometimes I feel like it would be so easy to just follow everyone, heck even some pastors I talked to say sterilization is OK. But is it? I don't know. I'm just praying for God's will.

Whew!!!! So now that my own mother has fallen out of her chair and in fear for my life...I think I hear the phone ringing haha! I'm sure it's my mom, my grandma or my mother in law trying to talk some sense into me. I'm not gonna awnser the phone:)

There you have it. Hopefully some questions have been answered for some of you. We value your support and understand that you may feel differently about this. Please, please know that I don't think badly of anyone who uses birth control or sees differently on this than we do. As it is a personal decision between you, your husband, and God and God doesn't want the same thing for all of us.

Am I alone on thinking like this? Thoughts? Should I just move to Arkansas, maybe perm my hair ????

After telling my sister I was pregnant with #5 the next morning I found this picture in my inbox. LOL!!!! Thank you Brianna for loving me even though you think I'm crazy too:)


The Lazy Philosopher said...

My older brother is 32, I am 29.
Then there', brother-26, sister-23, brother-21, brother-17, and sister-15...
You're not crazy. I'm on the "other" end of a big family. The twenty years later what's going to happen, side. We're all (mostly) grown and have an incredible bond that I rarely see in smaller families. We are a deliberate and self-proclaimed force for Christ in a chaotic world. We bolster each other in our down times, and because we know each other so well, we can offer a little prodding when one lapses spiritually.
There is nothing insane about wanting the privilege of training kids to change the world.
:) all you have to change is your world (I think the kids count), and the ripple effects last forever.
And by the way none of us "hate kids" either. I don't know if you've ever experienced it but my mother was often told that her kids would never have children or would seriously hate being around kids because they "had" to be with kids all the time. We're all teachers, have children, adopt children, work with children on mission trips, etc. Being around kids (especially family) will not make you dislike them. :) OK, I'm done. Just remember that there are lots of us out here that are on the same side as you.
Don't give up on what God has for you.

~Mom of Five~ said...

OMG, Bridget! Your post touched me in such a way, you DON'T even know. I really wish we had gotten to know each other in high school better because we are SO alike in our views. My husband also had a vasectomy appt after baby #4 and we made it all the way to the parking lot of the dr. He/we backed out and two years later baby #5 came. I still don't have that "I'm done" feeling yet either and I get embarrassed admitting it to some. I keep thinking 'one more'. My dad HATES hearing that. I'm so tired of all the comments from other people too, especially so-called Christians! Small story: The last time I went to my regular dr for some antibiotics for an ear infection, I had all 5 kids with me. The dr. kept telling me how "full" my hands were. She has no kids herself. I couldn't take it anymore and told her I'd rather them full than empty. When I got home I was still upset and cried to my husband about it. He pointed out a small 'hickey' on my neck right under the same ear that the doctor checked. I put 2 and 2 together and realized how 'ghetto' this must have looked with my hickey and my 5 kids tagging along behind me. I couldn't stop laughing after that. I realized two things: 1. I won't go back to that doc again. 2. Who gives a CRAP what other people think, I'm happy and thats all that really matters. Sorry about the long post but you really touched me. Thank God you decided to listen to your heart and write about this. Oh, and I really don't think it's a scar tissue, life-threatening thing- I really think some arrogant doctors say "You have to stop having kids" because THEY don't think you should have anymore. I say if you want more, Go for it! Find a good doc who supports you or will at least keep her comments to herself and basque in the glory of having babies! Take care.

Sawatzky Kids said...

I completely agree with the Lazy Phil. As christian woman we need to first seek God in every area of our lives. In all things God's wants us to prosper...pressed down and running over. He is a loving Father who delights in giving us the desires of our hearts! I too am a very literal believer in the Words and Promises of God. And I fully believe that if having more children is a desire God has placed in your heart, you should literally speak out over your body the promises of health and healing that Gods provides in His Word. (law of confession) The Lord can not lie, He can not go back on His Word. Speak out His words and He will always honor them. He will prepare your body for another precious baby if that is His will for your family. And I don't believe He would give you the desire if it was not His will for your family. God will always honor your faithfulness in following the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
It is always a compliment to have the world be uncomfortable with our coices when we are basing those choice on the Word of God! :)
Shelly and gang

Brianna said...

I don't think crazy is the word for you. I think it's something greater. haha JK Hey, I think if you can handle more kids then go for it. I just know if I had 4 more of Aven's then you guys would all be visiting me at the mental hospital.

Barbara said...

So, I've followed your blog for sometime now but never felt compelled to comment...until now! I knew Justin in jr. high & highschool, though we didn't hang around the same crowd.
I'd just like to say that I don't think you're crazy. I think you two are an excellent example of awesome parenting!
I had my tubes tied after my 2nd baby, thinking I was done. Now, I'm 30 wks along with my 3rd via IVF. I realized, a little late, that I'd have a baseball team if I got the opportunity to stay home with them. I'm hoping to get the chance this time.
I admire the way you are choosing to raise your children and hope to have your kind of strength as I raise my family...please pray for us! =)
God Bless you Bridget, for being the kind of woman that most of us women strive to be and gracious enough to be humble about it.
Much love and blessings to you and your beautiful, (maybe)growing family!

Shannon Hartz said...

Bridget, thank you so much for sharing - you're brave. I'm sure you get a lot of criticism. When we announced just #4, I was kind of surprised at so many peoples responce. It was much different then the first three times. When we shared we were pregnant with #3, everyone was glad, and hoping we'd get our girl. Once Briley arrived everyone assumed we were done. When we got married I always said I was praying for a big family. I loved the idea of 6+ kids - even my family thought I was crazy. And, so often when I share I'm pregnant it's not followed with a congrats, but rather a "your done now right? or how are you going to afford them? or what about college... weddings..." You know, we spent alot of time praying, my husband and I about #4, because yes things are very tight, but I know if God is going to bless us with another, then I have to trust that He too will provide. Maybe not the way we'd hope, but He'll provide. Children ARE trully a gift from God, and I feel soooooo blessed to be able to receive them.
If you're looking for a good obgyn, I LOVE mine (Kadi's used him too) He and his wife have 4 kids themselves.
God Bless you Bridget, I'll be praying for God's guidance for you and Justine:)

The Gustafson Family said...

Sister you do what you think God is calling upon your life! You are an inspiraton to many and you are a wonderful mother. You and Justin provide for your children with so much including and most importantly showing them the love for Christ and each other. God sent me down a road of infertility otherwise I would be right by your side with contemplating on should we have more!! Only God can answer your questions!! Love to you!

Melissa said...

I think you are amazing (and I choked on my coffee when I saw that picture.. One word: AWESOME!!!).

Jo Jo said...

Hey Bridget,
I am so glad you posted this. You brought up a great point about Christians following the QF movement and populating the world. How awesome would that be?! I know the feeling of wondering what people will think and it is awful that having more than two babies is frowned upon and abnormal these days. Even having two babies 13 months apart is not up to the world's standards. I cannot tell you how many comments I get when I am out and about with my teo little ones. I really want to have four children and I am putting on my armor now so that I am prepared for the rude comments that I will get. I do think that responsibilty needs to be taken into account though. For example if you cannot properly provide and care for 10 children, I really don't think that God would want you to have 10 children, ya know? Anyways, I love your post and your bravery in posting it!

Simply Blessed said...

I agree that it is a personal decision. And as Christians, we know that only God has the right to judge any of us. I think you are an amazing woman of God, not to mention wife and mother. And whatever you feel in your heart I support. You are in no way crazy. I admire you and Justin for having a big family. I don't think it's something that everyone is capable of (meaning me who can barely do two ;) )! None of your children are going without love, attention or their needs being met. As long as all of those things stay filled, I think the more the merrier :) You are so inspiring. Keep up the good work. You children are beaming with God's love!!

Heather said...

Bridget, I truly believe God has blessed you with 5 kids because you are an amazing mother and it wouldn't surprise me in the least if you continued to have more. You are the best at what you do! I get comments about us wanting #4 so I can only imagine what people have to say to you. How many kids you have is between you guys and God. Can't wait to hear that you're pregnant with #6!!Lol ;) Good luck in whatever you decide and I'll be praying for you!
Hugs and prayers,

Anonymous said...

No you are not crazy! And people shouldn't be so quick to judge. I have been reading your blog for a while now and you seem like a great mom! You completly embrace it! You can tell. So be done when you feel you want to be or need to be.

My husband and I have three boys 5,4,2 and he did get the snip-snip. And still to this day we talk about more children. Maybe one day we will adopt (a girl). LOL!

Really think about your decision and remember its your decision. Do what makes you and your husband and your children happy.

Good luck with your thoughts!

Jenny said...

Bridget..that was a really good post. Mark and I go back and forth if we want one more or not. Of course, selfish reasons I choose not to, like my body or money. But, after reading this it does make me lean to the side of doing it. If I do have one more, it might be because of you that I did it!!! :)

Jenny said...

Bridget..that was a really good post. Mark and I go back and forth if we want one more or not. Of course, selfish reasons I choose not to, like my body or money. But, after reading this it does make me lean to the side of doing it. If I do have one more, it might be because of you that I did it!!! :)

Sarah said...

Your post moved me to tears. Honestly. I have asked God over and over if my husband and I are supposed to have a 4th because the feeling won't leave me alone.
But, I have put it off and put it off, fearing what everyone would think of us.
I have asked God over and over to give me a sign, to make it clear to me what our decision should be. He has, over and over, given me signs. Yet, I have been ignoring Him, simply because of fear.
I believe reading your blog was just another one of those affirmations He has sent my way.
Question is, am I going to ignore it once again.....
Your post was beautiful. I love reading your blog, love hearing about your many children, hearing about your life at home with them, homeschooling them, etc.
We have a 3 bedroom house, my oldest is 7-a daughter. Then I have 2 boys that share a room. Most people's first question when the thought of us having another baby comes up, is if it is a girl are you going to make Emily (the 7 year old) share her room with a sibling that much younger??? They look at me like I'm crazy and a few have told me that is just cruel to make her share her room with a screaming baby.
Why oh why do we care so much about what the world thinks or what our family or friends might think?
I'll be waiting anxiously for the post announcing the arrival of baby #6 for you guys. lol Just kidding!
You are not crazy. I think it's great when people have more than the average 2 kids, if they can handle it. You seem to be handling it beautifully.

The Achee Family said...

Excellent post and excellent points. You are an amazing mom for one. Some people are just not meant to be good mothers. It definitely comes natural for you. People will always have opinions but it's all about YOU. If you want a big family then you go for it. When I got pregnant with my 3rd. I was 21 (See I am crazy right there with you) My family had surprised me with a party and we were about to toast with champagne. I had to get up in front of about 20 family members and explain to them that I will not be drinking at this party. We are having another baby!! The look on everyones face was something I can't even describe but you know what. CJ and I were so happy to be adding another little baby and by the end of that day so was all of our family.

Also my last doctor was a very mean lady. Every time I would have my apt. she would tell me that I needed to schedule an apt. for getting my tubes tide. I told her that wasn't going to happen. My husband and I are happy that we are young and starting a big family, and I wont ever be getting my tubes tide and that my husband will be getting a vasectomy in the "future" She just looked at me and rolled her eyes. I was so afraid everytime that I came in to my check up. The last couple of times I was so sick of it I just brought in my other 2 and didn't care what she thought. (she would always tell me to leave my kids at home for the apts.)

God wants you to have a big family, he knows you can handle it the best way possible. A lot of people would do anything to be a mother like you!

The Lazy Philosopher said...

I totally forgot to mention! We're all homeschool nerds too!

kristina16marie said...

You are not crazy! I wish I was brave enough to express my desires for that many kids. Don't worry about what others may say or think, you have the scriptures on your side. Also, you are a recovering people pleaser remember? So don't listen to anyone but God! =D

And find a new doctor!!

Megs said...

Bridget, it all comes down to what the Lord wants of you and Justin...not what anyone else wants for you. It reminds me of the post you recently posted of the talk you just had with your mom about wanting to please the Lord and not being such a people pleaser. Don't be concerned with what everyone else thinks or says. Just be obedient to what the Lord has called you to do.
I am reading and going through Genesis myself right now in my devotions and I was just reading of how God created man to praise Him and glorify Him and to be fruitful and multiply.
Children are such a blessing from the Lord. I say you're crazy because I couldn't do it! I love my children, but I myself don't think I can handle 6. You, I beleive, were made to have many children because you handle them so well and are a wonderful mother to them. I would myself be concerned about what the doctor said of the risk of it, but and Justin need to seek the Lord and do what He calls you to do and not worry about anyone else!
Love ya...and I will be waiting for that e-mail announcing that you are pregant with your 6th!hee...hee...!

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about adoption? You have such an incredible family, and even if you can't physically have more children, you can make a big difference in some lucky kid's life.

zeb4missy said...

Maybe God's plan for you & Justin is to have a big family, and when you get through all of the negative comments, really are any of those people tucking in your babies at night, or comforting them when they are ill, or providing for them finacially? Then it is not their place to say how many you should have. I think it has more to do with their own fears on how they would handle such a large family, it isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean it isn't for you.
And my own opinion is that everyone of your children has brought the Ryan family nothing but joy and gladness. You will know when you are done having kids when God speaks to your heart and a doctor gives you a professional opinion (not a personal one)

Bridget said...

Oh my gosh everyone! Thank you! It was so nice to hear all of you!!! I was out all day on a field trip and driving home I was telling myself , It's ok people will leave rude comments. Posting something like this is just asking for it, I put myself out there and it doesn't matter what they think. (over and over in my head)

I was surprised to see how many of you think like me. I'm not alone!!! I'm in tears! Thank you again it means so much to me and thank you for sharing too!:)

Cari~ said...

Ok, so Bridget, did you pluck my own feelings out of my head?? (I'm Shannon's friend and this is the second time I have been compelled to leave a comment on a page of someone I do not know. Although I was at Shan's baby showers so I might have actually met you???)! Anyway... I have six children now (four that I birthed and two that came with my marriage). All of them are blessings in their own way. I absolutely adore my children. They are getting older. They are 21, 18, 17, 13, 11, and 3. The older the kids get, the more I start to get "that feeling." I have prayed about it. I have asked my husband to pray about it. I haven't gotten any definitve answers, but your blog seems to be some sort of affirmation for me. I, too, know that if I tell anyone else what I'm feeling that they will think I'm crazy!! But I'm feeling so overwhelmed that God has taken the time to talk to me through you. Even our smallest feelings and concerns are significant to God!
In addition to the basic wondering, "Should we? Can we? Will we still be effective parents?" I also struggle with the "safety" issue. I had 4 C-Sections and with the last two I was "advised" not to have more. I don't really know why...
I'm rambling; I'm sorry this post is so long. I am just feeling so blessed right now.
Thank you for your honesty... :0) It's really great to know that I'm not alone.

Loni's World said...

How bad is this! My first reaction in reading the first paragraph was to find a phone and call you right away!!! Then it hit me lol I dont have your number! But that is how I am with all my friends and just by following your blog I put you in that same category haha.

First rule!
If we spent our lives caring about what everyone thought about us we would never make it through the day.

The only time anyone else should even open their mouths about the amount of kids is if the person is living off or abusing the state.
We as tax payers have the right to complain about that!

This is not you! You provide for kids! NOONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN HAVE!

Now if your kids were ugly hellish children then that would be another issue LOL JK

The only thing I can say is a real concern is YOUR life.
I would think long and hard about that part. But if the doctors can give you the ok, then keep up with your dream. :)

You are not CRAZY! You are LUCKY!!!
I would do the same :) (only if I could provide for them of course)

p.s. Maybe those people are just jealous??

Loni's World said...

Oh and I thought I would add people that use "God" to tell you to get sterilized, must really have some inside knowledge. Did God personally come to them and tell them YOU needed to be fixed? I highly doubt it! So Just follow your heart/God and do what you feel is right. God knows our hearts and only WE know what he wants from us.

SHALOM said...

When I got pregnant with our fourth, the first thing that a family member said was,"what is that idiot (refering to my husband) thinking? Of course I defended my hubby 100%. All of the comments that I've been recieving from my doctor and others are more suttle.people out and about will say;"BOY DO YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL!! The neat thing to say is: YES I DO HAVE THEM FULL OF BLESSINGS. It dose make me feel guilty sometimes because we really cannot afford more kids. We live in a two bedroom apartment, so I WILL HAVE ALL FOUR IN ONE BEDROOM.

Yet inspite of all of the financial glitches. God has shown his holy Word to be true. He is so faithful, and his children (other believers who are genuinly, lovingly, supportive, have blessed us so much. The scripture that says; He will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we may ask or think, is coming alive for me. Many women have encouraged me that with God, all things are possible. They have shared their testimoneies of how they had big families when they were younger,and living in small places, just trying to make it in life. These same women are so humble in spirit, and have so much to give. People keep reminding me of a homeschool family with eighteen kids. I've never seen the show, but the fact that they encourage me to look to examples like them has helped.

I love each of my children so much and would never ever want it differently, or trade my life for the world. My kids bring so much light and laughter to our lives.

I have a medical condition where most women cannot ever concieve. And here I have had six pregnancies, two miscarries, and about to deliver my fourth.I should never feel guilty or complain. Yet my flesh dose sometimes not realizing that children are a huge gigantic blessing.

Personally, I do want to close shop, for medical reasons. But I refuse to get my one tube tied (mainly for medical perposes.And I cannot take birth control (for medical purposes). And if my husband dosn't want to get fixed, then I guess it's all in the Lords hands. And I just have to have faith that MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL OF OUR NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES and GLORY in CHRIST JESUS.

Anonymous said...

Nobody likes a quitter!!!!! Keep plugging away plus making them is half the fun!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You aren't crazy, you just want a boat load of kids. I understand the longing, I have one and plan on having more but I but I'm not gonna turn into Michelle Duggar because that's "God's plan for Christians". Some women feel the innate longing to fill their womb more than others, and it's okay. Just admit it, you want lots of children!! If people judge you it may be because they do or did also, but for one reason or another chose not to or couldn't. It's wonderful that you want many children, you seem to be a great mother. The only crazy thing about what you posted is trying to justify procreating with the QF movement. I very much believe and love Jesus, but it's ridiculous how people can suit scripture to fit their own desires. The bible is a beautiful guide of how to live your life, it has layers and layers of meaning and can be taken too literal. Especially the old testament. Be proud of your want for and ability to have children. Don't apologize or call yourself crazy. However, think twice about putting your life in jeopardy...think of the beautiful children you have and how they would fend without you. There are many many children who need to be adopted and loved. Pray about it, ask God AND yourself why you really want to continue to make babies.

debbie said...

Bridget, I as your mom am very proud of you and Justin, not to mention blessed with such precious grandchildren. I know the Lord does have a plan for each of us and will bring it to pass. Psalm 139 describes how it is He who creates us in our mothers womb. We know life comes from Him. In 1 Samuel 1:5-6 we read about Hannah and how she could not have children and its says twice "the Lord had closed her womb." And at the right time the Lord heard her prayer and opened her womb and she gave birth to Samuel. That is why He gives to each of us a measure of faith and with that He expects us to trust Him in all our ways. He can multiply my grandchildren all He desires! He will have the last say. I will always love and support you in all you do.

Kristie's Kin said...

Hey Bridget! I got teary eyed reading this one...then practically hyperventalated with laughter when I scrolled to the picture! I LOVE IT! I really do like watching the duggers...there's something pure about them! I understand your desire...hence here I am pregnant! I was SOOO secretly hoping for twins...cuz I do want more. Being that I'm a little older now and pregnancy and post partum really takes a toll on me, I don't know if I'm supposed to do this again...but only God knows. I havn't said this outloud really, but sometimes I feel like we need to buy a bigger house because adoption has for a long time been a consideration in my heart too. We'll see. It was wonderful reading this from a young, pretty, fun mommy who is living her life for Jesus. It is so true that this world is living so contrary to the word of God that it has infiltrated into the church and touched God's people. We do need to examine our hearts, choices, and lives, and just trust him with truly living out the word of God,,,and simply what He is saying to us personally. I'm only on my 3rd and have gotten little looks of surprize and the questions of WHY? Especially now that I am 37. But I don't care either...I'm living my dream...being a wife and mommy who follows Jesus. It seriously doesn't get better than this. I tell people this is the best job I've ever had, and I've never been happier having such purpose in my life. Again, I loved hearing your heart on these issues! Go SUPER MOM!

Ice Queen said...

You are crazy! But not because you want more kids! That's just an added benefit that brings more joy in a family. I should know, I'm insane! Normal people are boring (if you know what I mean) I only had three, but now I'm sorry that we didn't have more. Children ARE a blessing from God. Do you think I'm too old to try one more time? Oh wait, I forgot. I had Sandford fixed. My bad! I am very fortunate to have 5 grandkids that I adore. I just wish I could see them on a regular basis. The separation is getting harder and harder every day to deal with. I need (not want) to be with my family. I pray that God will have us all back in one state in the very near future. You are one awesome woman! :)

Hollie said...

you are NOT crazy! It is a wonderful thing! You are a wonderful mommy and God knows what you can handle. The world is quick to judge, don't be discouraged by it.
I love big families! I'm hoping to have more least one more....but who knows, you're inspiring, I may try for several more!

4kidscrazy said...

Hey I am glad you posted that because I know you are not alone. Before I had my hysterectomy Justin and I talked about reversing my tubal. I had/have a desire for more children. I understand you desire and I am sure my sister does to (5 kids) you are an amazing example of a Christian who prayfully makes decisions that are based on Gods will and love for us. You will be blessed either way but it is my belief that we are the ones blessed by you because you are a shining example of patience,love, and what a mom should be God fearing and loving. Thank you for sharing we love you and I remember my ob asking me if I wanted to abort Grace because she was soooooo soon after Marissa. Most dr.s have the worlds beliefs and they are not affraid to voice them just know we as christians don't even bat an eye at what the world thinks we live for God and by his word. Love ya, and if you want to have one for me someday I am totally ok with that :)

Anonymous said...

I wanted to first off, thank you for organizing this event--I look forward to seeing the kid's excitement as they get mail. My son, who goes to preschool Mon. Tues. and Thurs. will miss out on the party, Friday--so I am happy that he will have the opportunity to receive cards.

Secondly, your post hit a chord with me. . .and for some reason I can't leave a message because I forgot the password for the account I set up. . .duh! Anyways, I can SO relate to your post and this has been on my mind for a while--my husband's 2 vasectomy never took place; first time due to the dr. having a change in his schedule, and the second, due to a job change my husband couldn't make. . .which brings me to the question what if our plan isn't God's? So. . .we're just waiting and seeing--not actively trying--not doing everything in our power to stop it--in a weird way--hoping< I think that it does--even though my husband's job keeps him away Sun thru Thurs.--it's only for a year and if I truly am to be a follower of Christ. . .isn't it time I put it in his hands and leave my life's course up to him?

I teach jr. high part time 8-11 every day and it didn't happen until I totally surrendered and gave it up to God and my life has been so blessed--from my husband being home mornings with the kids to myself in the afternoon. . .and more time to spend with my mom, a stage three breast cancer survivor. God is good and I just felt compelled to write that you are not alone. . .and you are not crazy. . .and if we do our best in bringing up our children hopefully they will do good in this crazy world.

Thanks again for sharing your life with your readers--I love when you post events that you go to--we're neighbors--kind of--so I plan accordingly.

May God continue to bless you.


Trisha said...

Hi Bridget!
I have been lurking for a while and thought it was time to introduce myself. My name is Trisha and I'm a homeschooling mom to my three boys. I just had to comment because I know you are right - children ARE a blessing! It makes me terribly sad that people don't see that. Just wanted to let you know that in my opinion you are not crazy - but wise. I look forward to continuing to get to know your family through your blog!

hrw102779 said...

I was told by my OB that he has done as many as 7 c-sections on one mom with out any problems.

I have 3 and get the same comments as you, but I know were not done. We will have at least 2 more if not more.

Go forth and multiply. As long as they will be loved and both parents want them there is no reason not to.

Texas Slowpoke said...

Great post.. you aren't alone. Big families are fun!!

Justin and Jenn said...

Oh the Duggars live down the road from me...I will say, they are the most organized & friendly family. It seems to work for them.

sassytimes said...

Just stumbled onto your blog and I LOVE IT! You are NOT crazy! I truly believe that GOD gives you what you can handle. You seem to be an amazing momma! Any child would be blessed to be born to you.

I can't wait to have more children. I'd love to have a large family.

leighmcleary said...

Hi Bridget,

How wonderful that you and your husband are listening to the Lord's prodding and are willing to step out and be obedient in faith. Your calling certainly isn't mainstream or popular but it is part of God's perfect will for your life and to ignore it would be to miss out on one (or many) blessings that the Lord has for you. Our family has been called to be fruitful through the medium of adoption, but I have a close friend who has also felt the strong call to allow the Lord to plan the size of her family and timing of its expansion. She has four boys, one in heaven, and another on the way. She too gets much unwanted and critical commentary...but God's plans and purposes are often unpopular.


Bridget said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog (told you it's nothing) haha... I didn't get your email. Do you mind emailing me at
Thanks for sharing. I had an awesome time and would love to catch up sometime:)

Christin said...

Just found your blog, you crazy lady, you! ;)

I'm expecting my 5th, but haven't told anyone outside of a few close friends because I don't want to hear the inevitable comments. *shaking my head*

I always tell myself that at the end of my life, as I lay on my deathbed surrounded by my children, I KNOW that I will not look around me and say "Dang it, I knew I shouldn't have had those last two."

I know this without doubt.

As well as the fact that the world needs my children. period.

People will always have opinions. People will always sit on the sidelines of life calling out their judgements of people. We just have to make sure that we don't let them keep us from living life.

blessings to you as you embrace your already beautiful family of 5 littles. Or as you widen your embrace and welcome more.

Either way, you are blessed beyond measure.


Twiddlebugfamily said...

OH my heavens! I'm expecting our third little blessing (we have a 3 year old girl & 1year old boy) and I can't believe some of the comments I get! First everyone was shocked that I would want more afterall I had the perfect little set up- one of each. What?! Our original goal was 4...but more and more I'm not sure that will be all for us. I keep telling my husband... I'll let you know when I'm finished. He worries about the affect so many small will have on me- and that's understandable I guess. But- I say the more the merrier! :D People will always make their comments I suppose, I guess I should just find a way to heap coals of fire on there head in a meek and quiet spirit! ha! :) sometimes though (for whatever reason) it does bother me- even now that I'm "showing" and still lugging my son around on the hip & holding a little girls hand- in my long skirt... ha- I probably do look like a Duggar Mama- haha! :) Oh well - I love my life & my babies!

The Beaver Bunch said...

After delivering my sweet Ella Joy just under 24 hours ago (our baby #6)...(why am I on the internet? Because I won't have time when I get HOME!!)...I can say, without a doubt, that if God chooses to bless us again with another baby, we will take him or her with open arms.

Is it easy? NO. But is it the most incredible blessing I've ever imagined? YES!!

Oh thank you for reposting this today. JUST what I needed to read, especially after answering all these questions like, "Well, this is baby #6, y'all are done now, RIGHT?"

And with it we respond, "Well, probably not."

And we get THAT look. And you know what? I'm beginning to be okay with THAT look. Finally.

Anonymous said...

Ok Bridget, you NEED a new doctor and she also NEEDS to do back to med school!

I so with you were living in Vegas, my doctor alone is worth moving here for if you want more children. By the way Im sooo with you on your feelings. Im on my way to a large family, without my moms support! I mean she loves her grandchildren and is super close with them and will continue to love and cherish each new one that comes along but isnt my biggest supporter of my dream of a big family. Boo her.

Anyways. I just had my 3rd c-section. My doctor during the surgery, took his time, unlike my other 2 c-sections where I was in and out in 30 minutes. During surgery he explained that he was removing any excess scar tissue and then he told me that I had a very thing uterus and would never had made it through a vbac. My husband shut my mouth right there because he knew I wanted to ask so badly if I could have more children. I finally asked at my 2 week check up and he said I can have as many as I would like to have and that he re-inforced my uterus! Just to wait 6 months before getting pregnant again! Ha, I was amazed. He also does a new type of c-section, it was incredible!!! I was up and walking within hours. The only pain I had was the normal gas discomfort and that didnt even happen until like a whole day after surgery! I swear that I love him to death and if I ever moved out of state I would seriously drive here for him!

Ok thats my story!

We are all crazy child bearing ladies and its just apart of the job description!!!

christy rose said...

Hi I am stopping by from Lynette's. I am so glad that I did. That picture is hilarious!!! I loved this post and I love your heart! We have 5 kids too but most likely that will be all for us as I am in my early 40's now. But I think it is great that it seems to becoming more inviting for many Christian couples to have large families. I believe that God is all about large families. Look how big His is!!! :)

GrOwTh SpUrTs said...

Bridget, I swear we must have been separated at birth! Our story is VERY similar to yours! And we have also surrendered this area to Lord. For some reason it's so hard to do. But once it happens there is a freedom that replaces the fear. We LONG for more. I have had several losses this year and it's been hard waiting on the Lord. But we are also planning to adopt within the next few years and it's very exciting to see how God is moving in our lives!! In this country people apply for curses (debt) and reject blessings (children). And it's sad. And typically when you are faced with opposition from the world you are doing something right!! =) So go for it! I love the point you make about Satan would NOT be in this movement because why in the world would he want more Christian parents to raise up Christian children for him to face more opposition?? I have never thought of it that way! Well put! God bless you guys! And maybe the next time your in St. Louis we can finally meet! Lots of love and blessing to you and your family!!

Janet said...

Visiting from Lynette BLOG. You have been truly blessed. I enjoyed reading your BLOG.

Janet Cowan

Sara Maria said...

I loved this post. I have six siblings and occasionally we also get crazy looks but I love my huge family.
~Sara Maria

Diana said...

Hi, Bridget! Have come to visit via Lynnette's "Getting to Know YOU!" And I gotta say... I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I've always wanted to be one of those families on the road, but, uh, gotta have the means and way to finance it, LOL! Ah, well. I will enjoy it through you then!

And in commenting about your post... when in doubt, go to God's Word, I always say! So, GOOD FOR YOU, following what scripture says!

carlisle clan conversation... said...

As one of eight I know the stares all too well. My Mom & Dad decided six was enough, and my Mom had her tubes tided. Well God had other plans, because shortly after my Mom found out she was pregnant with TWINS! My husband and I have two & we unfortunately DID attend our appointment. Sadly we did it because we didn't think we could afford more than two & now are hoping for a day when we can afford to adopt! Let God lead your heart girl!

Pam said...

Your post makes me want to cry. I just stopped over from Lynette's site and I am soo glad I did!!! I have 4 children. The first 2 were such celebrations by friends and family alike, the next 2 people start to question your sanity, we are now on the brink of jumping into this all the way! We had booked the big V and backed out as well, when it just felt so wrong. Everyday I think about these ideas, right down to moving to Arkansas. :) I hate to admit the reasons that inhibit me are my fears, and the criticism. Yet the more I think on this (and even though my mother in law thinks I'm nuts already) I question myself on why on earth I would say no to God's blessing? Thank you for sharing! Pam

Brent and Kelli Hooyer said...

This is something that I have really been struggling with. I have two beautiful children. Karter (3) and Brody (1). 2 weeks after Brody was born, my husband was diagnosed with Leukemia. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of his first clear report. He is now Leukemia free (PRAISE GOD)... as long as he stays on his chemo pills. Well, as long as he's on his chemo pills, we are unable to have more children.

This was almost harder for me to hear than when he was diagnosed. I know that seems rude, selfish and insensitive, but it's the truth.

I love being pregnant and everything that goes along with it. I love being a mom. I want my little Brody to have a little brother or sister.

I know there's always adoption, and I LOVE the thought of that. It's just hard to accept when it caught us so off guard! Also, adoption is a very expensive thing.

Anyway, just know that you're not crazy. And if you are crazy, well, then know that you're not alone.

(NOTE: I'm the youngest of 5 kids, and I wouldn't change that if I could. I love having my brothers and sisters!)

Carolee said...

I know some people down large families (Duggers, etc..) but if they love their children and can afford to support them, who cares?

I would get a second and maybe third opinion. If the other docs say it's ok, go for it!

We're looking to hit the road soon-P/T at first, F/T eventually.

Check out my blog:

sothisislife said...

I am envious of your 'larger family' and with only 3 kids have felt like you in how others view my family and my desire for more. I am praying for more children myself. They are a blessing. I did come from a large family, #1 of 13, plus a few cousins and friends my folks helped disciple or raise, however you want to look at it. I say let it all go and go after the goal that Christ has set before you. I am actually very selfish by nature, even as the oldest of 13+ kids. But when I got married, I knew I would have to make my own (along w/my husband) choice to trust God. It was easy to say and see God take care of us as we were growing up. Once it was my turn as a parent, I was actually scared of being a bad parent, didn't feel like a baby or kid type of person (even though I helped to raise my own siblings),etc....but then I had my first son! And fell in love and the more kids I have, the more I see what a treasure Jesus thinks of kids! He said let them come to Him, and so we are trusting Him! I've never heard of the QF, though that is what I believed growing up and now into my married years. I can't wait to see how many blessings I will have (and all I've learned and loved w/each one). Now, I am praying that God will do a miracle and my hubby will want heart longs for more children.
I'm with you in that I got a lot of flack for my large family, still do, now that I have a whole whopping 3 kids (that is sarcasm as I am thankful for my kids, but don't think it's a 'large' family).
I am also visiting from Lynette's site.
I would just set aside what others think (though I know it's hard, especially when it's pastors or family giving you hard or terrible time - i had people say the worst things, but I learned that I had a wonderful family even if we were over populating the earth, j/k.)

Dru said...

LOL!!! Too funny... did you get my email?? I emailed you regarding this post earlier today.. Glad you reposted it!

belle said...

you are not crazy!

i have 8 kids (long stories all so i won't ramble:D.

i have discovered in my life that the "church" is the most cruel! they can be so hurtful..... good thing i KNOW the character of the God i serve! HE=LOVE!

my husband is a designer and i'm trying reeeeeeally hard to get him to design a t-shirt that says "YES! I know how this happens, YES! We want them all, YES! I stay busy, YES! They all have the same father, and NO! It isn't any of your business:D"

maybe if enough people feel the same way he'll actually do it. lol

Karen said...

I can completely understand. I too have a desire for a large family. Although we will not be having any more biological children, we are in the process of adoption (our second). We will be bringing home our 4th or possibly 4th and 5th depending on what God has in store for our family. When we tell people what we are doing they always look at us like we are insane. They would really think I am nuts if I told them I would gladly do it over and over again. All through scripture Jesus tells us to care for the orphan and just like you are saying I get the most flack from my Christian brothers and sister. It really is sad. Regardless of what they think we press on. Because in the end this is between me and God, not me and man. If you believe that this is God's will for your life then it really does not matter what anyone else thinks. Children really are a blessing. It is just to bad that more people do not understand that.

Get Real Girl said...

So glad that Lynette is featuring you today. I love your blog. I only have three children and it is such a hard decision to have more. I keep praying asking God to take the desire out of my heart or put the desire into my husband's heart.

cooperkelly4 said...

I loved this! You are not crazy. I have four and we joke, "4 and no more." But that is because we know we are done (and feel that this is from the Lord) We tried for each baby. People just don't always think before they open their mouths.=0) Those babies are a gift from the Lord!

cooperkelly4 said...

oops, forgot to say that I stopped by from Dancing on Weathered Ground and I am so glad I did! I follow now. =0) Kelly

cooperkelly4 said...

hmmm, I didn't see my post here, but wanted to say that I was popping on over from Dancing on Weathered Ground and I am so glad that I did. We have 4 kids, all planned! People always give us a look when they hear that we actually had to "try" for each baby. Love your blog and I follow! Kelly

Natalieh said...

I am 23, not married, and because of this I have no children; however, if the day comes that the Lord see it fit to grant me a husband and (what I believe to be the biggest blessing) children - I hope to have as many as humanly possible.
It is hard work, it is expensive, and in the eyes of the world it is crazy to have a big family - but the world is ignorant.

God is true, and every man is a liar. When God made Adam - He said that it was not good for him to be alone. He then gave the first commandment in the Scriptures: "Be fruitful and multiply - fill the earth"
Some of the happiest and most well-rounded people I know, are people who come from a big family.

You are not crazy, you are godly. May YHWH bless you with more precious children. Thank you for the sweet post!

P.S. I found you through Lynette's blog. Glad I read this.

Shannon said...

I get you totally!!! I have had all four c-section and can not imagine ever not wanting another baby to hold. I also had that same kind of rude doc. Surgery scares me... missing out on a blessing scares me, too. Ironically, though... they do cut away the old scar tissue when they do the repeat c/s. Surgery is never safe.... I am considering breaking their rules and going VBAC, if we ever had another one.... my hubby wants more because he is so in love with the ones we have... crazy us.. so be it. I look at the Duggar's and find them inspiring. If we all had that many and raised them that well, then I think more power to us... the "crazy" people. We are not "crazy"... the rest of the world is for missing out on what we have! My hubby wanted a Vasectomy after our last.... I could not sign the papers knowing he might regret it one day. I told him he could sign my name, if he really wanted it and I would allow it. He did not do it. When Sahara turned one he started getting that twinkle in his eyes and I knew he was falling in love with that little one even more... and she was making him want another. Several months later he is wanting one.... actually, his words were 3 or 4 more. Yikes! Exciting... scarey ... all at the same time. The only thing that holds me back is the surgery part.... but really I would totally be on board for that 3 or 4 more! Ooops! I said it, too! You're a wonderful Momma! Have them... train them well.... raise up a generation of Christians!

{This is on my blog}: Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed... Psalms 127:5 (Ashamed? How fitting that God would give us this Word for todays world where people act as if you are crazy for wanting more than two!)

~*~ Allison ~*~ said...

Popping over from Lynnette's blog... so glad I did.

You are NOT crazy!! I have 2 children and would LOVE to have more. Unfortunately, it would be dangerous for me. So, we have decided to become foster parents.

While I do not fully understand the quiver full concept, I do believe that each family has it's own quiver full number. Duggars currently have 19, you have 5 and I have 2. Just like an archer's quiver, it doesn't always have the same number of arrows.

I believe that it is Satan who is causing the doubt you are feeling. If he confuses you enough, you'll wait on having any more children, therefore there would be 1 less Christian child in the world.

Do what you think God is calling you to do, not what society thinks is the norm.

Remember, we are not of THIS world.

Many blessings,

JillAileenJones said...

Stopping over from Lynnette's Blog-"Dancing Bare foot on Weathered Ground." So glad I did. You are not crazy and if fact I have 4 (two of each) and would have more if it wasn't for our ages. My husband is 8 years older than me and will turn 48 next year and thinks he is getting too old. I must admit since having two of mine after 35 it scares me a bit too-I don't live anywhere near family and worry if something happened and I had a premie or a child that needed special attention could I do it all? So I think we have to be done having ours-at least us having them-maybe adoption some day-God knows and I will wait for Him to let us know.
Your 5 are beautiful and so are you-I say if you are wanting more and God has given you that desire-go for it! We are so blessed by each of our kids-it makes me sad to think we are done. I had to laugh reading your blog cause my husband always says that-Jill one of them has to be the last one.
Praying for you-so glad I stopped by and can't wait to read more.
Blessing to you-would love for you to come over and join me as well @
Have a super day.
Jill Jones

simplebeauty said...

Hello From Kansas...

I am visiting from Lynnette Kraft's blog and I have to say that your blog is funny and refreshing! Love it!

Bekah said...

I came from Lynnete's blog--and great post. Great post.

And I love your blog title. :)


Anita said...

Hi Bridgit! This is a great post! I have 7 children ages 25, 21, 27, 13, 10, 5 and 17 months and I am 45 years old. All of our children were planned except number 1 and number 7. We have been reading in Jer. 29 about the Jews being in captivity in Babylon (kind of relates to where America is today....and God tells them to build houses, plant gardens and have children...even though things look bad in the culture. He commands them to increase and not decrease!! We are seriously considering another pregnancy (I have had 3 miscarriages). I will be 46 this year, but we are really feeling that the Lord is speaking to us to continue with childbearing. Crazy or not!!

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Hey "Little Sis" ... LOVE this post. I've been away from internet for 5 days, so am just catching up.

I hadn't found your blog yet, when you posted this originally, so am glad that you re-posted.

I've been pondering a guest post for you (sorry, life got CRAZY for a few weeks). Anyway ... I'll get one to you soon.


Laurel :)

Tanyell said...

Not crazy, but truly blessed! I believe that it is a calling and blessing from God to not only be a parent, but a stay home/homeschooling mother! And it is an even greater blessing to have multiple children! When you think of the difficulties to not only get pregnant, stay pregnant, and have a healthy baby wow what an amazing and awesome blessing God has given us! I agree a 100% with you and my husband and I often struggle with the same issues and the same comments, especially being a black family. I'm not sure if I will ever feel the feeling of I am done, but I want God to continue to bless me in every area of my life and if that means having more children then let the blessings continue to pour! He has blessed us to be able to afford them, that is all that matters!! You know you are living your life right when you have "haters" LOL

Lauren said...

I can't sit here and read through all 71 comments - my 35 wks pregnant feet are too swollen, and I need to go prop them up! ;)

Sweet Bridget, you are so NOT crazy. My Hubby and I call ourselves "quasi-Quiverful" ha! We know we want a houseful of arrows and blessings. Even now, being so huge with #3 (and #1 not even 4, and #2 not even 2 yet), I know that my heart is crying out for more babies. God certainly puts that desire in our hearts.

Please let me share a sweet God-story with you. :) I have felt this way for a long time. It was really the Lord's tugging on my heart and the subsequent spiritual journey of prayer (and research) that led us to reject hormonal birth control as newlyweds. I have always felt that if we TRULY believe that God is the sole author and Creator of life, that no life is created outside of His hands...then why are we even trying to control or supercede the will of the One who made the whole universe?? LOL. I have long had a desire to allow the Lord to dictate our family size. We know people who've followed this path who have 10 children and counting. And we know people who've followed this path who have only 3 children, and the natural biological events of the mother's life have precluded any more babies. ;)

Anyway, this has been my heart's cry for a long time. But Hubby wasn't quite as on board. "What about responsible stewardship?" was his biggest question, and frankly, it's a decent one. But one night when my son was a baby and in bed, Hubby walked into the living room with the laptop and turned the TV off. And very promptly looked up a Voddie Baucham sermon titled "The Centrality of the Home." The way he did it, I simply figured he had heard about it, read about it...something, and wanted us to watch it together. So we did.

Oh man, it is a WONDERFUL sermon! Voddie talks about family size, home schooling, discipling your children - the whole 9 yards. (One thing he said that I thought of when I read your post about "what if all Christians became QF" is that Islam is out-breeding Christianity at an alarming rate, because so many Western churched families seem to think that 2 is the magic - or only - number.)

Well, let me tell you girl: when that sermon ended, my Husband was just staring into space quietly for a few moments. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said, "I have no idea why I looked up that particular sermon."

He had not heard of the sermon. He knew nothing beforehand of the content. He had barely even heard of Voddie Baucham before. It was like he was propelled by the Hand of God to seek out that Truth about what the Lord says about children, parenting, and blessings!!

We had a good, long talk that night, and we continue to revisit those themes again and again. It's amazing how God used that one night and sermon to plant a tremendous seed in my Hub's heart.

We still wonder if we'll ever get to a point where we'll feel "done." And my biggest concern is that I am able to love, teach, disciple, and shepherd my children WELL. My goal isn't to have as many as I possibly can, but as many as I can possibly love and raise WELL. :)

You're not crazy. Thanks for sharing your heart on this issue a second time!!

the Spocks said...

Visiting from Lynnette's blog. You are not crazy, that is a family's personal choice and as long as they can provide for those kids.

Anonymous said...

Hi, my name is Jen and I have five children as well. The funny thing in all of this, is that it is not anyones business. We have a lot of people who call us crazy, talk about us behind our backs and speak horrible words to us. I have come to a point where I tell people that it is between the Lord and my husband and I. I tell them the same if they ask my advice on whether THEY should have more children or not. That is all it is. Between a husband, his wife and the Lord.

vanessa said...

Dearest Sister in Our Lord,
I just stumbled upon your blog and felt the spirit moving me to comment on your post. First and foremost you are absolutely not crazy for your desire to have more children. Children are a blessing and His plans and timing are perfect. Always remember that.
I wanted to share a little pearl of wisdom for all those contemplating sterilization from someone who has been on the other side. My husband and I married when we were both unsaved, I had been married before and had three children already. We promptly got pregnant and delivered our first child together, a daughter in 2001. Only five short months later I became pregnant again. We started attending a church and by His grace through faith I was saved. I was baptized in my forth month, what a blessing! We delivered our little boy in 2003 and my husband said we were done. I had some apprehensions but supported him anyway. On the way to the vasectomy appointment I asked the questions, “What if…” what if years from now we decide to have more, what if God forbid something happens to the blessing we have, what if our finances change and we can afford more (still had some of that wordly perspective), what if, what if, what if. His mind was made up, we were done and that was that. I supported him, although my heart cried out to stop him.
Fast forward … the Lord has been working mightily in our home and my husband came to know the Lord in 2007. We had been learning more and more about the Lord and leaning on His word and not what the masses claimed was the way. At this time we were really struggling with the financial hit from the fall out of the housing market, and by faith moved from South Carolina to North Carolina, where we lived with my brother and his family (they have 5 children as well) until we could find a house of our own . Our hearts were softened and we began searching what the word had to say about children. We were broken when we found that we had cut off our God sent blessings. We had tampered with something that was not ours to mess with, and in turn cut off the God sent seed of His kingdom.
We read and read of stories of those that had done the same and reversed their mistake, some with success and some without. Broken and confused we searched the web for ways to get help. Our money was tight but we knew we had to fix our mistake. We found a Doctor that specialized in vasectomy reversals and what do you know he was only an hour away in Burlington North Carolina (miracle #1), but the surgery was expensive and not covered under our insurance. By the work of God’s hands, shortly there after we received a little more than the amount needed (miracle #2). We called and promptly scheduled the appointment, we were on our way!
Work dried up yet again and my husband could only find work in SC. Back we moved. We thought that surely we would become pregnant quickly; we had done so in the past. Ten long months later I became pregnant but miscarried at 8 weeks. We were devastated. That has been four months now and still we wait. Our hearts get heavy sometimes when we think of the lives we have cut off, how much fuller our table would have been at dinner time. We have not only affected our time but generations yet to come, many lives were stopped before they could even happen. It was our choice and with that came great consequences, much higher than either of us considered.
We may never receive the blessing of another child, and though it grieves us deeply, it was of our own hand. We trust in the Lord implicitly and know that all things happen for the good of those who love Him. We leave our fertility to Him and trust in His ways. We feel blessed to have seen Gods hand in orchestrating our lives so that we could right our vasectomy mistake. And though not many can understand our heartache (they say we have enough children already), we pray that our experience may be a light to someone else’s feet. We pray that our story may prevent someone else from making the same big mistake.