Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I'm NOT Happy, But I'm Filled With JOY!
Life is full of ups and downs. It's guaranteed. Trust me I know! But I choose to not let the downs get the best of me. Better yet, there is a way that I'm learning to actually enjoy my downs.
You see happiness is a temporary feeling. Joy, on the other hand, is a deep, abiding confidence that God is in control, no matter what happens. And that is what I have pure joy because I know that He is in control of my life and every situation:)
10 months ago we moved into this beautiful house. It was our 9th move in 9 years of marriage. (again not our plan) We rented it from an older lady who could no longer take care of such a big house and big property. As you know I fell in love with it. The plan was we would buy the house in a year when she was ready to sell and we were ready to buy. This was the plan. I have been in touch with the owner and (property manager who is now our friend and neighbor) and she has told me over and over how she is so glad that our family is enjoying the house. She just told me a few weeks ago how this house was meant for a big family like ours. We have had every intention on buying this house in the next couple months. The house where my kids are best friends with the neighbors. The house where I love to go outside and pick grapes right off the vine. The house that has a perfect backyard for my kids to run wild and swim. The house that is perfect for having parties,The house that has a perfect spot for the play house we were going to build the girls, The house that has a tree lined street that I take my babies for walks on. The house that has an old charm feeling that I love. The house that I told the kids we would not leave,I know this house is not my "real" home. I just was so happy to finally be settled after moving SO many times. We were making arrangements to buy this house when out of the blue the owner wants to move back in. We have 7 weeks to move out! (basically the same time I was going to start our new school year)
We are heartbroken:(
I thought this house was an answer to prayer and it might have been,for a season. I know God's ways are not our ways. We just work so hard and now I feel torn down.
We haven't told the kids yet. They love it here too. They will be heartbroken!
To be honest with you I'm DONE! I'm DONE moving! I have no desire to pack another box or look at another house. I have no motivation to even decorate another house. I don't care! I'm DONE! So what do I do? PRAY!!! Hand it over to the Lord.
But I know that God doesn't expect us to just pray and "sit back and relax" as He works everything out for us. Neither should I try to avoid my problem at hand. I need to face my problem by taking steps to help as long as I trust God for the results. I need to pray for wisdom in what to do.
I don't know where God wants the Ryan family but we are taking small steps and pray either God opens the doors wide or slams them hard in our face:)
I know that this isn't the last hurdle I will have to jump. For the rest of my life I will have a few twists and turns, and I'll never be able to see beyond the next bend. God doesn't give us a map but I can take comfort in knowing He has seen where the road ends, and He knows every curve along the way. If He thinks that the terrain ahead is too tough, He will handle the necessary road repairs before arrival. Apparently he thinks I drive a 4-wheel drive:)
I know God has something awesome for us at the end of the road but I'm like my kids on a long car ride...Are we there yet???