Sunday, April 4, 2010

Thoughts From A Mom STILL Stuck In An RV....



My inbox is full of emails telling me how inspiring my blog is. How I make motherhood look so easy. How I'm "Supermom"...



I think I might be misleading some of you.



Sure, we have good days.... I blog about them. I enjoy my kids and take lots of pictures enjoying them.



Then I show them off here.


Look at me, I'm supermom...NOT!






But don't get me wrong...Motherhood is hard.


Infact last week, right after I served up these PB&J sandwiches to my little darlings trailer park brats......

I wanted to run away....Disappear!





How could I think this way?!




How could I, an adult women be reduced to crying a mess to my mom on the phone like a little child telling her I can't do this anymore?


Then the guilt set in for even thinking this way about my children...


You don't see me posting pictures of this do you....



These last few weeks have been hard.... I’m no stranger to hard days. I've been overcome and overwhelmed before. This past week I just felt so beaten down.



Trying to keep everything together.


I try to be a mom who raises good godly children, children with manners, children who are well rounded, children who are clean and don't throw their banana peel on the floor and tell me to pick it up...


trying to be a perfectionist...I think I'm wired this way. I can't help it.



I got in my car and there were crumbs everywhere....the RV looks like a bunch of white trash people live in it. I can't take it anymore... but there is nothing I can do about it....I have kids. It's gonna happen.
I railed at God.


God why? Why did you intrust these kids to me when you know my personality? After all he created me and wired me this way......


Why do I thrive on perfection? Why do I thrive on a clean house RV? Why do I let a dirty car affect my attitude so bad?



Why did He hard wire me a certain way and then hand me so many children?


A heart that longs for a lot of children but thrives on perfection? How could those two go together?





I love my children deeply.


They thrill me. They are gifts from a God who loves me.


I lay my life down for these small humans every single day. I deny myself everything. What they need, what they want, what makes them happy, what will help them grow into all that God wants them to be, these things constantly occupy my thoughts.
I live for each of them.



I would never leave.




Even when that seems like the best means of escape.



I wish that refining didn’t have to hurt so much. I wish I could become the woman God wants me to be without having to cry another tear.



I wish that my children were perfect and I would never again feel frustrated by their childish ways again.



Not going to happen.



My children will never know, never realize, never remember how I have given up so much for them. What I go through every day of their life so that they can be happy and clean and healthy and safe. Not to mention what I give up for them to enjoy such an opportunity.


But, they aren’t suppose to. The weight would be too heavy for their tiny little shoulders. It’s my turn to carry the burden.


My turn to sacrifice and give. And give. And give. And give. And give.





In turn, I am down to my toes grateful that I will never have to know the weight of my own childishness. My own bratty selfish ways. My own sin. My Father in Heaven carried that weight for me. He took the weight of my sin and damned it forever to Hell so that I could be free and redeemed and called His child.
He knew all that was to come, and yet He chose to still come to earth and sacrifice everything for me. He loves me, He lived and died for me.

I am so thankful for His grace and mercy!


God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead.

Ephesians 2:4-5


I'm picking myself up by my big girl pants and I'm not gonna cry to mommy today. I'm going to

pray for a good day, a day spent enjoying my children! I'll post pictures later........:)

Thanks for listening...

31 comments:

janenes said...

We've all had these days before and we're all in it together because He is carrying us through!!

The FitzGerald Family said...

Oh, Bridget! I can so relate. We did the trip around the country for a month, and it wore on us although at the same time it was the experience of a lifetime. I can so relate to those days when you just don't want to give any more. There certainly is nothing left in this momma to give anything else much of the time. That's where Jesus meets the needs. That's where His grace is sufficient, and where He reminds me that He's the one that is supposed to be doing the parenting anyway. If I would just get out of the way. I appreciate your honesty and your perspective. No, we don't blog everything. We don't take pictures of everything. And that's just fine! Keep being faithful, and keep remembering how quickly this season will pass (both the RV times as well as the parenting little ones). Keep leaning on Him, and watch Him bless your socks off!

Tiffany said...

I love your honesty, your authenticity here, but I also love how you cherish the every day moments and look for the blessings. I can so relate to both. Will you be a dear and check out my new blog hop. I think you might find it interesting. {grin}

Marie Evelyne Lanathoua said...

Hey Bridget, I had my melt down Saturday night, it was UGLY real UGLY....

I was SOOOOOOO MAD!!!!

All three were in bed all day in the dark...thinking...Mom was DONE!

me in the living room crying.....what a Easter Sunday it was....

My loving Brian took us all out to dinner last night for a "new beginning", earlier I even yelled at him...telling him he could leave, leave us, this is his chance....didn't budge (THANK GOD!) he does not have to be stuck with this chaos, like I said it was ugly...

Today is better....


THANK GOD!

Joannah said...

Thanks for this post. I've had a similar past 2 weeks with my 2 kids (1 clingy and my 2 1/2 year old giving new meaning to "terrible two's" lately) living in a tiny apartment right now AND our truck is broke down, etc., etc. I do look to your blog for inspiration because if you can do it in an RV with 5, then I can certainly do it in an apt. with 2! This post brought tears to my eyes though because it's just nice to know motherhood is hard for every one and we all feel like screaming and crying every day, I mean, every once in a while. ;) You are still a super mom though, I don't care what you say! Oh...and I cried to my mom too. LOL

Rebecca Lynn said...

One super neat thing my husband brought to my attention the other day: Most people (working moms included)will say "I would DIE for my kids" He reminded me that Jesus LIVED his life as a sacrifice, he didn't only die for us, and it may be easier for someone to say "I'd die for my kids" But we are LIVING for them, which is to me a harder and less glorified sacrifice!! Keep up the good work! Only fake people have it all together!! LOL

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Right there with you, Bridget!

Oh ... sorry ... had to go break up a fight just now ... 2 kids sent to bed ... think mommy will follow ...

Oh ... going crazy in your RV? Yea, this perfectionist mama is going CRAZY after 5 months in a little borrowed cabin with my 6 youngest children. READY for a home of my own!!!

Big Hugs!

Laurel :)

Kate @ Bliss and That said...

Wow, Bridget, what awesome and powerful thoughts and emotions rolled into this one post! I'm wired the same way, but feel I fall so short of everything I want my family and home to be: spotless clean, all homecooked meals, beautiful garden with clothes on the line next to it, never any bad attitudes or talking back to mommy and daddy, never having to remind them of an "excuse me" or "yes, Mommy/Daddy", everything color-coded and organized, and the list goes on and on and on... BUT, lately I feel that I'm starting to understand and accept the mess and the trials are all part of this beautiful journey of motherhood that God blessed me with. I'm trying to look past the mess more to enjoy the moment with my kids who are making it and thank God for the moments, messy or clean. I hope you're having a better week and that you were blessed by a loving and blessed Easter. You're still supermom to me! :)

Kate @ Bliss and That said...

Oh, and I forgot to tell you how GORGEOUS you look in yellow in that photo! Just wanted to tell you... :)

The Gustafson Family said...

Days like that happen. It's what you do with those moments is what speaks volumes. I can totally relate..except I only have one!! You are doing a wonderful job..remember it's the hardest one out there!

julie said...

Thanks for being so honest. I have those moments too. When you stay at home with your kids, you rarely get a break. But praise God we are able to stay at home with our kids. We do feel guilty when we have a breakdown but I think it shows that we are human and we learn from it. God may be trying to get our attention and let us lean on him more. (that is the case for me anyway)

Braley Mama said...

AMEN!!!!!!!

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

I still think you're awesome!! :) You guys are in my prayers. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Somedays I feel like shipping my kids put, or sticking them on the front porch with a sign that says "Free" :) Come to think about it, if I did that, I bet they would change right quick. :) Stay strong, Girly.

Flamingo Mama said...

wow...now THIS was an inspiring post:) thanks

~Jenna's Baggs said...

bridget, just another post that brings you closer to us "normal" moms ;) so glad to watch your trip and your honest views of being a woman/mother/wife in this world and working so hard to not be of it!! <3

Growing Blessings said...

Thanks so much for your confession! Makes me think that I can do this, too!
Blessings,
Nicki
kissesonthecheek.blogspot.com

thechattymommy said...

I love your post! As I was reading it and feeling bad for you, I was looking at the pictures of your beautiful children along the side as I scrolled and felt God saying, "She is going to be okay!"
I know everyone is saying we all have these days and I know I def. do, but when someone like you, who has 5 kids and is beautiful and travels the US in an RV with a great husband and admits that that she has these days- it helps the rest of us. So, thanks.
As for your mom, I have a great mom too and sometimes I call her and just say talk to me. I really believe her voice releases a calming hormone in me.
Recently, me cousin went to a remote part of Africa for a month and had a difficult trip. On her way home, she called her mother from Paris on a layover for an extremely long trip home. It was 3 o'clock am here and her mother said, "thanks for calling- I'll let you go now." My cousin said, "no wait mom- please just keep talking to me". My aunt obliged and my cousin described the same feeling of calm.
We just can't make this stuff up. Keep calling your mom when you need her- I am sure she is always happy to be there for you.
And remember, by letting her bless you, you are blessing her.
And like my mom always says, "Joy comes in the morning!!!"

The Beaver Bunch said...

Thanks for this reminder. I have felt so beaten down lately, like such a failure.

It's good to know I'm not alone and that He is always there, baring my burdens and selfish, childish ways.

Anonymous said...

Ok so it's Jen here you know we try to be super moms but we can we do what we can but it's all we can give we need our moments to just be "us" and that's how it is. Love Justin and the kids but take that moment and go running or go for a walk wherever you are to just find sanity! I love you friend take a "Bridget" moment. Xoxo

SHALOM said...

Girl, just write a book.j/k.

If you didn't know the Lord I wouldn't read your blog, no matter how interesting, fun, or cute your kids ARE. Which they all are BTW. But besides REAL life (which we don't always post for the sake of wisdom & reputation), you have been given a gift to express your life through words,in a way that impacts people in a genuine way. You are who you are without candy coating things.

I love to read about all the blessings. And when God has put it on your heart to share in a transparent way, than I think that's a great thing.

Sometimes I think,"what is wrong with society, and why are people so shallow"? But I realise that if we don't experience trials,than we won't learn to be paitient, or understanding. We have nothing deep to share. Read James Chapter one if you get a chance. Count it AL JOY! And I believe you already do.

My definition of JOY is: A meaningful,genuine,explicit expression of inward confidance,hope,certanty,and trust in God and His future plan for us,inspite of the actual state or reality of our circumstances. Jer.29:11 is my fav.

My Definition of happiness is: Feelings that can change based upon ones circumstances which is anything that you may be experiencing.

Keep on inspiring others.

EveryGoodGift said...

You know, we all struggle with selfish flesh...every STINKIN' one of us. :o) When we choose to serve those we love, even when it hurts, or we want them to serve us instead...that is where we kill that stinkin' flesh, and walk just a little closer to Jesus. God is SOOOO awesome...my kids always ask me, "Did He plan it that way?" Yep! Sure did! Ain't it cool???!!! When my DARLIN' husband wants to go fishing after he works hard ALL week 12-14 hours a day, spending only a couple of hours with us in the evening doing bedtime routine...I get kinda' irritated. I think, HOW DARE YOU leave me ALL ALONE with all of these kids for ONE more second...but I have learned to reply, "Choose others over yourself...what ever makes you happy." :o) Usually he ends up staying home with us...Usually... I have given up almost every single thing that makes me an individual...interesting...
different from everyone else in this world... ALL to serve my husband and children. How is it that the Lord seems to find more stuff for me to have to let go of? LOL! If I want to truly be like Him, I gotta' keep crucifying this flesh of mine... wash their feet...that is what Jesus did. I know you know this already....but it is nice to know that you are human...we all are... :o)

Anonymous said...

OMG! Get over yourself! You blog to get attention and praise from complete cyberspace strangers. It's sad that you can't get the attention you need from your husband and family and feel the need to come here and get it from people you will never know. I pray for you.

Bridget said...

Dear Anonymous, I let your comment sneak through. I usually don't read mean comments of publish them. But I just had to share that most of these "cyberspace strangers" have become my dear friends who I have MET FACE TO FACE as I travel cross country. I've sat and had dinner with them. They have invited my whole family into their homes. The community of women we have here is amazing. We can come here and laugh, cry and pray for each other. Then met up in real life!!! Thanks to all my cyperspace strangers I love you!

Kate said...

LAME-O, Anon. LAME-O!

If you actually knew Bridget IRL, you'd know she's a kind hearted, good person who wants the best for her family and those around her. She blogs, not for attention, imo, but to share her experiences with people who might not otherwise experience them.

Douche-baggery, anon! While I don't want to play the "you're just jealous" card, I will say that you *ARE* reading her blog, are you not? LOL...

Also, I only reconnected w/ you because of this blog, Bridget. I'm glad I did. Despite our ASTRONOMICAL differences (single, childless atheist vs. married Christian mom of many), I'm proud of you and I think your time and dedication to your family will serve you very well. These memories will last a lifetime. :)

Oh, and if I don't say it enough... come to Colorado! I'd love to take your kiddos for a day/night while you and Justin have a date day/night to remind yourself why you're doing this. Between my mad crafting skills, and Greg's ability to make any kid under the age of 10 laugh so hard they pee their pants, well... let's just say your kids will have a fun day, and you two will get a break. :)

Srsly... if you're in the area, it would be an honor for me to give you the gift of time for relationship growth with your sweetie. :)

xoxo
-Katelynn

Pam said...

Just what I needed to hear right now! Feeling down, and I can't keep up with my kids today. I laughed out loud at your comment about raising kids that don't throw their banana peels on the floor expecting you to pick them up! Someone else out there does understand! :) I bought some chocolate easter treats for my children and they consumed them throwing all of the wrappers on the floor? What!? That is not what I taught them, but I appreciate the way you turned it positive, I really did benifit from your post today.

Hollie said...

as most have said, we can all definitely relate. had a few of those days just this week...tears and prayers...
but we wouldn't have it any other way. being a mom is priceless, a gift from God. and you're right, it's not always easy but it IS always worth it! such a blessing. :-) thanks for sharing and being honest. i'm thankful that God loves me the way I am, sinner and all. :-)
take care bridget, you're doing a great job!!!

Franco Five said...

Oh Bridget, I just love you this is why I enjoy your blog so much its so what a mother goes through the ups and downs... We know we are beyond blessed with are children but YES we are going to have are hard days and I appreciate so much all that you share it ministers to me in so many ways I can't thankyou enough. Keep pressing forward.P.S. I have the same struggle with wanting everything just right and of coarse it doesn't work that way I'm working on that trying to let Go and let God.

Tracey said...

HI. I'm Tracey. I started following your blog because the little adventure you are on sounds like something we might want to do some day. So I came here, and started following. But, (I'm gunna be honest here) I saw you (perfect) and your kids (perfect) and all the shiny yellow (perfect) and I only wander by occasionally because, well, I dunno, I guess I just can not handle the pressure. :)

There are many women I know in real life who seem like they have it all together and they are faking. They must be! And I don't think that does any of us women any good because it raises the collective bar and makes us all feel miserable, which is not what He wants for us, is it?

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to sit around with these women whining and moaning all the time. That is not biblical and not healthy or helpful. But I am just no good at faking and often feel worn down by those who are.

So, THANK YOU, you BEAUTIFUL, but not perfect, PERFECTIONIST for just being REAL. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is better for all of us this way. We can spend less energy on faking and spend more energy on, oh, I don't know, our husbands perhaps. It can't be easy living with us, right?

I have been greatly blessed by this post. I am sure you are over it by now, and have pulled up those big girl pants and have moved on, but thank you for taking time along the way to let us all know, we are not the only ones.

erica mac said...

I wish I had your faith. I'm glad I found your blog.

Jessica said...

Thank you for your honesty and keeping it real...as always. Praying for you guys.

La Rêveuse said...

Your post got stolen by a notorious blog thief. She's got it here: (replace DOT with a .)

http://mommyoutnumbered.blogspotDOTcom/p/uncut.html

You can report her to blogger and they'll remove it. I would for you, but I don't want to be linked on her page--afraid she might steal something of mine. Just read about this today on BlogHer.