Friday, November 16, 2007

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!

I have been blessed with all of my children. I thank God for my (large family) every day! For this reason, I find it very disheartening to hear people disparage me for having them. What happened to the rule "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?

I read a post in an online group for large families from another woman frustrated with the general public's reaction to her number of children. It was quite interesting, and I do believe that the next time I receive negative reactions from strangers while out in public with my kids I will use her idea. I usually just smile and say, yes, there all mine and keep going...When inside I'm saying, no lady I rounded up all the neighbor kids and then went shopping! What kind of question is that? Basically, the idea I will now use is that we, as mothers of multiple children, have x number of arms to hold us, x number of mouths to say "I love you", and therefore, are entirely surrounded by love. Therefore, I have eight arms to give me hugs, four mouths to tell me they love me, and I am really enveloped by love.

I personally don't think four kids is that much. Now, don't get me wrong, it is alot of work but why do people feel the need to comment on the size of my family? Do any of us go around asking people without children questions such as "Why don't you have children?" or making any number of similar ridiculous inquiries? I think not. However, in speaking to others like my friend Kadi who has 7 kids (check out her blog) Boogers on my shoulder or some of my other friends who also have a brood of more than three children, this seems to be a popular thing to comment on. The general public needs to realize that this is (mostly) considered rude, and most mothers who have "alot" of kids resent these questions. It is our business if we want to have this many kids and it is no one elses business how many children a family has, nor if they "know what causes them". Some people think it's funny to make these comments but after awhile comments such as these are very insulting! Do they know we hear it over and over it is not funny anymore. (sarcasticly speaking) haha..ok dude, your the first to think of the t.v. joke. nice one!

Now, please don't get the wrong idea; I have had positive reactions to my family. For instance, when we take the kids out to eat, we get "compliments" on how well behaved our children are. Obviously, this makes me very proud! A woman at Target once asked me if all the children were all mine. When I replied in the affirmative, she said "God Bless You, you are so lucky!" These types of responses are very heart-warming. Four children is quite an adventure. Everywhere I go, I get reactions such as "Don't you know what causes that?" or "Are they all yours?" What has gone wrong in our society that everyone believes there must be something wrong with a family
who has more than three children?

Sometimes I just want to wear a t-shirt that says the following:


Laura said...

Well said. I love those nice comments though. The other day at the grocery store my girls were being a bit rambunctious (sp?) and having some fun while I was getting frustrated when an elderly woman strolled by and commented on what happy children I had. It blessed me to hear something positive. If only people would do that more often. I respect all you moms who have more than the average 2 or 3. More blessings to you!

momof4mejias said...

Bridget, I couldn't agree with you more. I also have 4 kids (and 1 on the way) and I encounter the same comments all the time. It gets old and it is hurtful. I usually smile and disregard but it sure would feel good to have one of those comebacks handy next time. And I'll need it because I'm not done having kids yet, I want one more after this. I also wanted to commend you on your brave decision to homeschool your children. God bless you woman! Cuz I know I rely on the school day to give me a lil break from my monsters. Keep up the good work, your a great motivator. I enjoy reading your blogs of your homeschooling journey.

Kadi Prescott said...

Yeah Baby! I feel sorry for all of those people who have bad sex lives and such a narrow vision of what a joy having a large family brings! MYOB, rude people! Do we ask you if you're infertile or hate children because you don't have a lot of kids?