Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Missing In Action

too sick to be in action...

and I'm going crazy!

This pregnancy has been the roughest so far....

I feel like I have the flu 24/7.

I have very little energy....

I'm not one to sit around, I need to get out!

I love to be on the go....

Or else I suffer from serious cabin fever, and so do my kids!

It's been hard since we got home from our trip, kinda boring!

I know I have a full plate of raising 5 kids, baking one and being in charge of their education.

But, I'm bored!

Maybe it's just because we have slowed down and I feel yuck....
maybe pre partum depression ( is there such a thing?)

I just loved being on the go..learning and seeing new things

Don't get me wrong I LOVE my job, I am very blessed to be home with my kiddos.

I know many women who would give anything to be home with theirs....

I just get bored sometimes!

Maybe it's that I've been doing MOP's groups and playdates for almost 12 yrs now???

Recently the most exciting thing on our calendar is "park day" and I know this sounds really mean but I just can't get that excited about it.

I know I sound like a total brat right now.....

maybe I just need to get an outside hobby???
Or drag myself out even when I don't feel good....

There is only so much play dough one can do....

maybe I just need a little break???

Did I mention I lovvvvvve my kids and love being home with them...I really do!

I know my calling is at home and I know this is where the Lord would have me, but I think I just need to maybe get out and do something for myself...

Now, I sound selfish!

Boy, am I gonna hear it in the comment section now...
I'm just sharing what is on my heart.
I feel really bad even saying this because it might be taken wrong.
I want nothing more than to be the best Mommy in the world.
I think it's just something I'm gong through and I'll get over it....forget I said anything...

My husband and kids have been wonderful and helping out so much since I haven't been feeling well.

I helped by putting up this towel....that's about all I've done in the last couple of weeks.

I did finally brush my teeth and put on a hat to go somewhere...anywhere!
I just couldn't stand to do school in our school room. I needed to get out...

So we headed to the Lincoln Shrine
the only Abraham Lincoln museum west of the Mississippi.
Right in our own backyard. Redlands....

We were the only ones there and got a free tour. These men took a lot of time with the kids.

I didn't bring my camera, but I did take a few shots with my phone.
He was so tall!

I felt so much better just getting out, even if it was at a museum!

So the next day I made myself get out again.....

After our studies we figured we would check out more of our new city...

I took the kids to Olive Ave. Market.

cute market with old fashion candy...

Bad idea to go at lunch time!

I've never been stared at so much in my life.

A bunch of college age people...

I'm not sure if I was being stared at for feeding my kids ice cream for lunch

or the fact that I had them out of school (during school hours)

Or the fact that I'm showing already and they were counting heads and then looking at my belly...

I better get use to it:)

Or the fact that my kids decorated their sidewalk.....

This place was a nice stop.
They gave the kids chalk and bubbles....something different, something fun!

Maybe I'm just feeling a little blah cause I'm getting so old! ha!
I turned 31

I was not feeling very well on my bday, so we didn't do much.
I did go to tea with my mom at The Eating Room.
We did a little downtown shopping too!
I bought something for the baby:)

I really do love my life! I love my kids and know that I am really blessed!
I just think I'm going through a season...

Just in a funk, I need to snap out of!

It doesn't help that I'm a puff ball already!
I'm almost 3 mo. almost....

I did manage to get out and walk around the mall...
I decided I should get my ring cleaned. It's been forever! I went in and in front of the lady tried taking it off. I smiled at her and kept trying to pull it off. She just looked at me and said, "It doesn't look like that's coming off." Hmmm...I thought, why is my ring that is usually pretty loose so tight? I'm not even that far along yet! I told the lady that I would just wait and try and get it off later and bring it in.

I went to bed and figured I would try and take it off in the morning.

6am comes around and my fingers are tight and my ring finger is throbbing!

I figure if I take a cold shower and maybe bring my temperature down it might help loosen it. Nope.

Then I try conditioner and get one of the rings off. The other one is not coming off.

I can usually wear my wedding rings until I'm about 8-9 months along.

I try raising my hand in the air for a good minute to see if that would help. nope.

I went outside with wet hair at 6:30am to see if that would help shrink my finger....nope.

After my husband took a look at it and saw that it was swollen and black and blue he knew he had to cut my wedding ring off!

Now I'm walking around pregnant with 5 kids in tow and no wedding ring! Ah, that's what the stares were for at the market....and

Maybe that's why this guy came up to me and asked me to dance???

sure felt good to get out and let loose on the dance floor!

(at brunch in palm springs)

There I feel a little better!
Done complaining!


The Jansen 5 said...

Oh Bridget.....I feel for you. My morning sickness was awful and all day long. I think you are doing a wonderful job with the kids and feeling yucky. If you ever need help I just live in North Fontana...just down the road! I hope you feel better soon...it will all be worth it in the end.


Anonymous said...

There has to be pre-partum depression, I think I totally had it! Blah! Its tough to feel happy when you feel crappy. Hang in there!

Rae said...

We stay at home moms, especially those of us that home school too, NEED some time to ourselves to recharge. DO NOT feel bad. My women's Bible study group is a great weekly little get away for me.
Those college kids were just staring because you have a beautiful family.

Kate @ Bliss and That said...

So glad to hear an update, but understand why you've been absent! :) I seem to think that the college kids were staring because you're one hot mama!! :-) Take care, and I pray the sickness subsides soon... Oh, and... twins???

Shelby said...

I really feel for you! Of all of my pregnancies, this current one has been really tough. I spent most of November and December laying in bed sick as a dog. I finally feel better but now I am exhausted! I take a nap every afternoon while my youngest naps and I hope that I wake up to an intact house. I also get lots of stares when I go out with my homeschooled brood. :) I get lots of questions too. I see people count the heads and then look at my tummy. Sometimes people smile and say something cute and other times people roll their eyes and say something rude. I try not to let it bother me though. It's my life not their's. My house is full of crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's also a home filled to the brim with love!

Lauren said...

So sorry you've not been feeling well (physically) with your next growing little treasure, as well as being in a funk. I can totally relate to just feeling so blah! Looks like your sweet babes aren't any worse for the wear, though. ;) I keep reminding myself of that, anyway. We're expecting #4 in June, and my sweet #3 is only 9 months old. I think you and I both need the maternity shirt that says, "Yes, we are having ANOTHER baby!" :) Blessings to you, sweet girl, and happy belated birthday!!

Hulst mommy said...

I know I've been in the same season!!! Especially when you're pregnant. I'm sure you've read this before, but...

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.“ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “ Therefore I hope in Him!” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. -Lamentations 3:21-25 :)

Anonymous said...


No worries,I feel blessed and bitchy all at the same time and Brian looks at me like I am crazy. Thank God he loves me......and your family and friends love you!

I need to come out an see you...and soon! If your ever in Riverside, call me, let's have lunch...yes...the kids too.... :-)

Love ya,


Kerry said...

you are so awesome!
It's ok to feel down sometimes!!! You are growing a new little blessing!!

Your pics and story inspire me!!!

Thank you for being honest!

-Kerry (friend of Heidi Baber)

Anonymous said...

I hear ya!

Megs said...

Oh my friend...I'm so sorry! I wish we lived closer so we could hang out and be two bored bumps on the log with no energy:) Love ya & praying!

Jessica said...

Do you get the Old Schoolhouse magazine? They just had an article about homeschool mom blues after Christmas. (you being pregnant of course too)

Praying for you. We all need a break sometimes.

Karla A. said...

I was hoping you would post soon and figured you probably were not feeling well-understandably. Bless your heart! I am so sorry about your ring, and your finger. 31 isn't so bad, and you are so blessed to have so many kids at a young age! You will be able to enjoy them and keep up with them. From a mom who will turn 40 this year....it only gets better! I hope you will be feeling better soon....

Larissa said...

Hi! I'm a Calvary Chapel pastors' wife in the San Diego area, and I just love your blog!I've been following for a little while now. I get so encouraged by your honesty. On the topic of honesty, anyone who says they don't get cabin fever at times is a liar! It's so hard when your sick- you're right, play dough and movies only go so far. Hope you feel better soon!

Ashley DeLen said...

Well I think that every momma needs time for themselves to recharge their batteries!! I'm happy for you that you are going to have another baby. I am encouraged when I see wonderful news like this!!

I hope you are able to get out and have some free time to get the "stink" off of you...

Have a wonderful day!!!

Whitney said...

Bridget, perhaps it is a combination of the "after Christmas blues" and pregnancy hormones. I know I was a grouch up until about my 4 month with my 3rd. And I was showing at 9 weeks AND I couldn't get my wedding ring on and off after about 12 weeks either. I finally got it off and I couldn't wear it until well after the baby was born.

Hang in there and get out more and soak up the sunshine. That vitamin D will help you tons. I so enjoy reading your posts and about your family.

Cari said...

I moved cross country when I was pregnant with our 5th. Hormones were OUT. OF. CONTROL. I don't think I offered one prayer of gratitude for six months, much to my shame.

I know where you're at, and all I can say is thank God for the beautiful cross He's given you to carry right now.

Anonymous said...

Too funny Bridget. With my last pregnancy my husband had to cut my ring off as well. I still feel I'm being stared at when I take my 4 kiddos out. Hope you feel better soon!
Kristin in DE

Valerie said...

Bridget, THERE IS SUCH A THING as depression while pregnant. I get hormone-onset-depression (I just made that term up :P ) with my pregnancies. Post partum doesn't hold a candle to what goes on my first 4 months of pregnancy.
1~Don't live life feeling guilty about being bored. (I completely understand the boredom feeling, and I am a homeschooling mom too. It think Depression causes feelings of boredom as well)
2~ walk more when you are feeling well enough. It really does help, short term and long term.
3~ invite moms over to sit and chat. Uplifting Christian women are worth their weight in GOLD :)
4~ Persevere. Sometimes all we can do is wait it out.
May God bless you during this and make those hormones even out so you can go back to feeling great!

Colleen Anita Hamilton said...

I've read your blog for over a year- and I love every part of it! You are so inspiring and honest. I'm pretty sure this is the first post of any kind where you're in a "funk" so that is something to be said! You are so strong and do so much for your precious children! I am a newly married woman! Five months on the 4th! Reading your blog has been such an encouragement to me and helps me to know that the desires I have for a big family and homeschool are possible! Thank you for that! But also- don't be so hard on yourself- you have your hands very full- maybe you and your hubby need a "babymoon" as my friends with kids have done. Before each new baby they take a short trip just the two of them to regroup and celebrate where they are and what is to come. You should! Take some time to be alone and spoiled by the love of your man! I know there are plenty of friends and family who would be willing to take your kids off your hands for a weekend! In the meantime- I pray for God's peace and joy to fill you beyond measure. Thank you for being you!

Sophie said...

I totally get how you feel. I feel blessed to be a stay at home mom and be so involved in my kids lives but I get a little bored sometimes too. What your feeling is totally normal. There's nothing wrong or selfish with needing time to yourself and doing something for yourself once in a while. Hang in there sister!

And by the way you may be feeling lousy but you look great!!

Sidekick said...

I recently started reading your blog after finding you through Families on the Road.

I TOTALLY understand you being bored! We just bought an RV because MAMA is BORED! We are a homeschooling family (2 boys), and I am ready to see something - experience something new.

I think you did the right thing to get the kids (and YOU) out and about. Hopefully, you will feel well enough to do that even more.

Good luck, and thanks for a great blog.

thechattymommy said...

Praying for you.
It will get better.
Your kids are beautiful.

Jill said...

Hi Bridget,

I was so terribly sick with both my pregnancies. I'm praying for you and hoping you feel better soon.


Rossie said...

SOooooo sorry, but I am LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY right now!!
You crack me up and that was one of my favorite posts!!
Wish I were closer, I'd make you a pad in the back of my Suburban and we'd take the kiddos everywhere...I'd even have Phily rig up some kind of barf on the go container!!

Love to you my friend!!

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

I sure hope you're feeling better now, after your little skiing trip.

I totally believe in pre-partum depression. Done that a few times.

Stares? Get used to it. You ain't seen nothing yet. :)

Pregnant with no wedding ring. Done that multiple times. So. Not. Fun.

Just had a CRAZY idea. When you and the kids are ready for a little road trip, just hop in your car and head north on I-5. Come stay for a week. We would have soooo.... much fun!!!l Seriously. You are welcome ANY time.

Hey ... did you get my phone message and email this week??? I'd LOVE to chat with you. Got some news to share.

Laurel :)

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

PS: You are SO. NOT. OLD. ... at 31. That would make me completely ANCIENT, and I still have a houseful of kids that I'm homeschooling.

:) :) :)